First Beginnings and Happy Endings

At 26, I would like to say that I am moving towards that direction. But life, as we know it, takes guts and gamble. And in as much as I would have preferred to read the bulk of Santrock’s chapter on Family, Lifestyle and Parenting page wise, I cannot but be critical about it. Indeed, each part carries questions that require answering in ways more complicated than just flipping pages.

The concept of a family has been with me since the first time my father laid an eye for my mom. And since I live in a community where blood and kinship is given paramount importance, I virtually sit on a vast construct of what a family is. As an infant I was clowned upon by my parents when they taught me my first trail of words, “Charlotte, ingna Mama...ingna Papa.” Teachers way back first grade days said to me “Ang isang pamilya ay binubuo ng Tatay, Nanay at ng kanilang (mga) anak.” Another teacher, this time in my fifth grade, emphasized,

“Once the sperm meets the egg, fertilization happens and a human zygote is formed!” 

Now that I have aged my adolescent years, my idea of a family also matured with me. 

This time, it no longer is about my first words to my parents, but rather my first steps away from them. The right foot I place on the exit carpet and the left foot just behind the closing door. I need to distance myself to find the avenues that are meant for me; but with this quest is the other part that longs to stay within the comforts of my home. Family for me now is the only “first word” where, if time permits, I will want to go home to.

At one point I also believed that a family is composed of a father, a mother, and their children. At present I realize that it can also exist with me and me alone. I cannot always seek the fatherly lap I used to sit on. I cannot always eat the healthy breakfast that mom used to cook. My siblings already outgrew pillow fights and Sunday mornings cannot always mean family day is up and fully activated. Sometimes, a cup of coffee spent with the Sunday magazine seems to work quite fine for me. I content myself with recollections of patintero days, grin a little in front of the mirror and work my way up to the usual long Sundays of single blessedness. And for me, It works just fine.

Even if modern science still conserves what my fifth grade teacher used to emphasized, family for me has gone beyond this basic context of biological science. Blood relations alone cannot fully cover my idea of a family. Artificial methods of conception has been advancing and adoption cases is also beginning to flourish. Family of today is not only bound by blood but also by experience. Conception is a gift but it does not anymore define good parenthood.

Again, I would like to say that now that I have aged my adolescent years, my idea of a family also matured with me. 

The concept of a family does not only bring back origins. It also 

creates the future. 
That is, from birth, to my first words, to my first kiss and my first job comes my visions of settling down and be with the family that I too will soon build.

Maybe I want a husband. The person I will spend the other side of my bed with. The one I could argue and make love with at the same time. The man who defines compromise for me and the person whom I will share half of my cup of coffee. 

Maybe two or three children will do. They're more than enough to spread noise and joys around the house. I will teach them love and respect. Cook breakfast and pack lunch for their first day of school. Read bedtime stories till they fall to sleep. Or maybe dress them up for their first prom dates.

Maybe I want a nurturing home- where parents practice democracy, and children uphold obedience. Some place where grandparents, parents and grandchildren spend Sunday mornings like patintero days. Like friends. Like family.

Maybe.

These are distinct aspects of a family cycle. They may appear discrete and too individualized, but they are more than just a way of life. 

They are life itself. 

And in as much as I would want to move forward to create a family of my own, I will still have to settle my own pieces of it. Maybe I want it now. Later, maybe not. But just like what every cycle is all about, a family starts from a family, ends with it just to start all over again.

And unlike first words, first steps and first kisses, family never fades away.